Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
