my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have fence marks all over my body
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
