He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm too high and old for this...
I party with great urgency now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
