I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My hand turned me down
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
