So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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