I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
