I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am available for nakedness
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
