There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
