As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
