this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Come on in and take your pants off
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