He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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