when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
