Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
