guys are only as good as the porn they watch
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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