your room smells of hookers.
And success
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
