Sponge bath it is.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
