Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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