I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
