batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
