check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
