yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
