I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
