so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
