Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
