I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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