note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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