girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
