we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
