so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
