All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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