i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
