i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
