my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
