I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
