Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
