So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
