This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
