If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was CRYING into my vagina
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
