3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
