If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
