my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
