Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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