He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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