he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
