So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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