the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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