I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
