I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
