so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
