that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
