i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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