Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
