You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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